BIKINIS, TX — Just days after appointing himself the mayor of Bankersmith, Texas and declaring that he plans to re-name it Bikinis, “breastaurant” chain owner Doug Guller has decided to mess with the entire state.
“I’ve looked into the matter,” trended the successful entrepreneur. “I think an argument can be made relating to Article IV section 3 of the Constitution. I don’t wish to change the boundaries, governing laws, or anything like that. No, instead I would just like to get everyone used to the idea of switching the name of our fine state from ‘Texas’ to ‘Sports Bar & Grill’. You see, the name of our town will have a better ring to it.”
“Bikinis, TX will be a world class destination and I am thrilled to expand the Bikinis brand to include town ownership… but it’s a new day now and I would like a little more.” said Guller while pouring over a huge map of North America.
“Basically, this is the first steps toward Bikini-ing the entire planet. Once we obtain Congressional approvals we can begin addressing all the other tricky details. For instance, how will we adjust the state flag? What modifications we will make to the state song, ‘Texas, O Texas’? And what should we now call the Rangers?”
Always looking ahead, Douglas envisions a day when the U.S. might go by a completely different moniker. “I like the United Bijongas of Cantaloup-pia!”