Use It 16 Months Out of the Year! The 2014 Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill Calendar. Now On Sale!
AUSTIN, TX — A collection of scientists assembled at an undisclosed hotel just outside Austin were shocked to learn that the young fillies that adorn the new Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill 2014 Calendar (On sale now!) have an uncanny knack for predicting future events.
During a recent off-camera interview with each member of the annual all-ma-mammery-ack produced a number of very compelling Nostradamus-like forecasts.
Although, we’re still days away from 2014, many of the prophecies are causing quite a stir. Here’s the list:
Ms. January: “Comb Usage Will Be Up 1%”
Ms. February: “Pope Francis Will Not Lead Cops on High-Speed Chase Through Rome”
Ms. March “Hitting Hand With Hammer Will Hurt”
Ms. Febuarch: “Small Jump In Interest Rates Fails to Impress Zoo Monkeys”
Ms. April: “Vast Majority of Senior Citizens Intimidated by Buckin’ Burger Challenge”
Ms. May: “Uninterrupted Flow of Electric Power Pleases Toaster Users”
Ms. SpayandNeuter: “Sexting Old Girlfriend While In Bed With New Girlfriend Wont Turn Out Well’”
Ms. June: “Stallone/DeNiro Grudge Match Movie Will Flop With the Pre-Schoolers”
Ms. July: “President Obama Will Not Seek a Third Term”
Ms. August: “Put All Your Money On the Texas Rangers, They Will Win The Stanley Cup”
Ms. Phnortulary: “Rain Brings Water”
Ms. September: “The Mayor of Bikinis, TX Will Legalize Recreational Use of Crayola Crayons”
Ms. October: “The United States Change Its Anthem to Include the Words …so la da di da di, we like to party, dancing with Molly, doing whatever we want.”
Ms. November: “Sorry, Ms. August Is a Hack. Put All Your Money On the Houston Texans, They Will Win The Stanley Cups!”
Ms. Rocktober: “Man Will Buy Hat”
Ms. December: “President of Texas, Douglas Guller the III, Will Add Four More Months To Our Western Calendar — Just For Grins”