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Bikinis Customer Sues DMV Over Driver’s License Photo

DMVsighAUSTIN, TX – A 56-year-old man sued the state’s Department of Motor Vehicles on Tuesday because the agency wouldn’t allow him to take a driver’s license photo while eating a Buckin’ Burger purchased at a nearby breastaurant.

Nathan Boxcutter, who regularly frequents Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill for lunch, refused to pose for his driver license pic sans his favorite sandwich. During a news conference Tuesday at the Statehouse in Austin, he told reporters that being ordered by officials to drop what they described as “just another fast food burger” was both insulting and degrading.

“I left the DMV feeling humiliated,” Boxcutter said. “I want to be myself and have a driver’s license photo that accurately reflects my buckin’ personality. My inner me.”

After passing his driving test in March, Boxcutter went to get his license at a DMV office in Austin. That day, as is the case every day, Boxcutter brought along a delicious, toothsome, beautiful meal-within-a-meal, that he likes to call his Buckin’ buddy.

But the agency wouldn’t let Boxcutter pose for a photo with his man-meat because of a policy that bans license pictures featuring someone who is willfully chewing during their photo snap. After several attempts, Boxcutter says the sumptuous addition was removed to the satisfaction of DMV employees, and a license photo was ultimately taken.

Boxcutter’s mother filed the lawsuit in federal court on her son’s behalf.

“(It was) very confusing, heart-breaking and heart-wrenching to see my son degraded like that and attempts at humiliating him for consuming his favorite flame-broiled burg. It’s not like he was gnawing on a Pop Tart, or (gag) something from Chipotle,” Betty Boxcutter told FOX News affiliate KFOXXX.

In June, a New York group known as the Mighty Fine Burger Defense and Education Fund wrote to DMV officials, asking that Boxcutter be allowed to have a new photo taken that’s more reflective of his daily lunchtime nutritional obsession. The agency refused, citing DMV policy saying that “at no time will an applicant be photographed while purposely ‘chowing-down’ on a freshly made sandwich, no matter how incredibly delectable it is. Imagine the trend that might start? People might begin to smile while having their driver’s license photo taken. The DMV might become a happier, more enjoyable place. It would bred anarchy. There would be pandemonium. We can’t have that. These photos must reflect the DMVs main objective — which is to discourage anyone from developing any positive self-esteem or psychological well-being when displaying their license in public.”

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What Men In Bikinis Say

Published on September 3, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

WhatMenIn Bikinis Say

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This Day In Bikinis History

Published on August 27, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

ThisDay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 1774 — A month after developing his revolutionary theory of gravity, Sir Isaac Guller formulates the equally impressive ‘Three Second Rule,’ when a chicken wing falls off the bar, lands in a puddle of Ye Old Coke mixed with sawdust, and he decides it’s okay to eat anyway ‘coz he picked it up right away.

May 1986 — Boxer George Foreman loses his title to Muhammad Ali in the famous Rumble in the Jungle fight in Zaire, blaming a lack of concentration during the fight. “I suddenly had a hankering for a Buckin’ Burger with all the trimmings,” said George in the post match press conference. “I also had this great idea for a fat reducing appliance that sits on a table top. Man, I sure picked a bad time to go all entrepreneurial.”

August 2010 — Erotic porn star, Dee Cupps, cuts the ribbon for the grand opening of yet another successful Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill franchise. Staged in southwest Texas in the middle of summer, Dee insists on performing the ceremony topless. Unfortunately, no one remembers much about the actual proceedings. Most of the audience were male and to this day claim to have been mysteriously hypnotized.

September 1848 — Protestant reformer Martin Luther nails a copy of the Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill menu to a church door in a public protest against boring lunchtime fare (and indulgences). Luther announces to the crowd who gathers to witness his demonstration: “Well don’t just stand there, go get yourself a delicious plate of minis! Must I think of everything?”

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President Barack Goes Buckin’ Crazy

Published on August 20, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

Bikinis Barack

 

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Major League Confessions

Published on August 13, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

CardinalsBikinis

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Bikinis Little Morsels Makes Happy Campers

Published on August 6, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

s-CAMPLETTER-largeCHIGGER, TX — Kiddos of loyal Bikini Sports Bar & Grill patrons are really whooping it up this week during the 1st Annual Little Morsels “Wake, Bake, Shake and Isn’t That a Snake?” Summer Camp.

The first of its kind, this two week warm-weather getaway is not only fun but highly educational.

“What child doesn’t want to learn more about the breastaurant bidness,” said Camp Director, Shecky Shilton. “From Day One we address every youngsters culinary and entrepreneurial dream.”

This year’s curriculum features a number of scintillating activities including:

• What’s With the Rolling Paper Jammed in the Till? Fun with Register Receipts
• The Joys of Bank Financing — Meeting Mr. Grumpy
• The Toilet Plunger — Do’s and Don’t's
• Run Back and Forth in Skimpy Outfits and Shoe Scramble
• Bartending in a Tent — Telling the Difference Between a Swizzle and a Stick

“Naturally, after they’ve learned the basics, campers collaborate with other campers in the Bikini’s Sports Bar & Grill Marketing Institute department to conceive serving stunts and menu modification. The camp ends with a stunt show spectacular, where the kids show off what they’ve learned by directing and choreographing stunts while serving a seating party of 13 a full compliment of Buckin’ Burgers and fries.”

The kids compete for unclaimed tips.

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Top Ten Bikini Movies of All Time.

Published on July 31, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

AUSTIN, TX — Summer movies during a blistering heatwave are always nice diversion. Especially down Texas way, right? The air-conditioning alone is a good reason to visit the old neighborhood theater.

When considering the seasonal offerings, one is prompted to muse over the following Siskel and Ebert “bargument” — What are the best Top Ten bikini-clad Hollywood flicks of all time?

What a great question.

With little else to do BikinisBogusBlog.com headquarters combed YouTube and — while we can not completely agree on the order — we discovered a pretty decent list.

For the record we take issue with Carrie Fisher at No. 3. Her high rank is completely whack in our humble opinion. “Oh please. Prehistoric Raquel Welch is light-years ahead of Princess Leia, isn’t she?”

Then again, maybe we’re wrong. Go ahead and take a look the vid again and again. Then nudge your beer-drinking Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill buddy. Let the debate begin.

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Whatever Wannabees Clone Bikinis, TX

Published on July 23, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

WHATEVER, USA — Remember a few weeks ago when the doggedly determined, slightly odorous investigators of bikinisblog.com uncovered a group of shameless copycats who were about to create a town called Sweat?

Well guess what, loyal Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill devotees? It’s happened again. (INSERT GASP HERE)

This time it’s the manufacturers of Bud Light who are forming a township named Whatever, USA.

What the hey, Bud? Keep your eyes on your own paper. You know it was our ingenious and beloved leader, Bikinis CEO Douglas Guller, who first came up with notion of turning a small uninhabited hamlet into one serious party/concert happy-hoppy town.

Oh, for shame, AB. What next? Should we anticipate the launch of a brand new product — say, the Buckin’ Bud Beer in mini keg form?

“Hey ya know what? That’s not a bad idea…,” said Kenny Rockman, head of the fictitious BSB&G marketing team. “Crank out some preliminary sketches and put ‘em on my desk by the morning!”

If imitation is indeed the finest form of flattery then let’s take a look at what the Bud pirates are planning…

“There had better not be a salad bar.”

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Bikinis Pageant & BBQ Cook-Off Safety Tips

Published on July 16, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

FREDERICKSBURG, TX — This weekend is, of course, the much anticipated Bikinis Pageant & BBQ Cook-Off.

As a public service we here at Bikinis Bogus Blog believe it is our duty to remind all participants of a few BBQ and Pageant Safety Tips that will help insure universal protection and well-being:

1) If you run out of charcoal please don’t light a tire.

2) Do NOT lick the grill.

3) If the smoke from the grill bothers you, simply crack open the window of your truck.

4) Honestly, no one wants to see your meat poker.

5) Be sure to jot down the number of 9-1-1 and display it in a prominent place.

6) Please make sure to keep all sauce away from the tiaras.

7) Contestants will be judged in three categories: poise, interview, and competitive marinating.

Have a good time and bring on the mesquite!

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Lesson From Brazil. Eat a Buckin’ Burger and You Won’t Get Creamed.

Published on July 9, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

BELLY-UP HORIZONTAL, BRAZIL — Hey do you want to know why the Samba Kings of Brazil lost so badly to the Gerrrrrrrrr-mans yesterday?

The Brazilians forgot to stock up on some Bikinis-style Buckin’ Burgers, that’s why?

It’s a fact. You can’t win a major global championship without a nutritious serving of pure-beef heaven. The lack of Buckin’ Burgers around the Brazilian camp left Coach Luiz Felipe Scolari’s boys lethargic and logy (Word-of-Day. Look it up.)

So, take heed, hungry patron. Load up on a delicious Buckin’ Burger of outstanding Beef-itude and we guarantee you will not lose to the Germans, 7-1, in Brazil, before 70,000 spectators, during a major sporting event.

If you do — we will gladly give you your money back. (We only ask that you provide video evidence of your role in the devastating and embarrassing drubbing.)

World Cup PoolPix10b

© Bikinis Bogus Blog
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