The first of its kind, this two week warm-weather getaway is not only fun but highly educational.
“What child doesn’t want to learn more about the breastaurant bidness,” said Camp Director, Shecky Shilton. “From Day One we address every youngsters culinary and entrepreneurial dream.”
This year’s curriculum features a number of scintillating activities including:
• What’s With the Rolling Paper Jammed in the Till? Fun with Register Receipts
• The Joys of Bank Financing — Meeting Mr. Grumpy
• The Toilet Plunger — Do’s and Don’t's
• Run Back and Forth in Skimpy Outfits and Shoe Scramble
• Bartending in a Tent — Telling the Difference Between a Swizzle and a Stick
“Naturally, after they’ve learned the basics, campers collaborate with other campers in the Bikini’s Sports Bar & Grill Marketing Institute department to conceive serving stunts and menu modification. The camp ends with a stunt show spectacular, where the kids show off what they’ve learned by directing and choreographing stunts while serving a seating party of 13 a full compliment of Buckin’ Burgers and fries.”
The kids compete for unclaimed tips.
AUSTIN, TX — Summer movies during a blistering heatwave are always nice diversion. Especially down Texas way, right? The air-conditioning alone is a good reason to visit the old neighborhood theater.
When considering the seasonal offerings, one is prompted to muse over the following Siskel and Ebert “bargument” — What are the best Top Ten bikini-clad Hollywood flicks of all time?
What a great question.
With little else to do BikinisBogusBlog.com headquarters combed YouTube and — while we can not completely agree on the order — we discovered a pretty decent list.
For the record we take issue with Carrie Fisher at No. 3. Her high rank is completely whack in our humble opinion. “Oh please. Prehistoric Raquel Welch is light-years ahead of Princess Leia, isn’t she?”
Then again, maybe we’re wrong. Go ahead and take a look the vid again and again. Then nudge your beer-drinking Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill buddy. Let the debate begin.
WHATEVER, USA — Remember a few weeks ago when the doggedly determined, slightly odorous investigators of bikinisblog.com uncovered a group of shameless copycats who were about to create a town called Sweat?
Well guess what, loyal Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill devotees? It’s happened again. (INSERT GASP HERE)
This time it’s the manufacturers of Bud Light who are forming a township named Whatever, USA.
What the hey, Bud? Keep your eyes on your own paper. You know it was our ingenious and beloved leader, Bikinis CEO Douglas Guller, who first came up with notion of turning a small uninhabited hamlet into one serious party/concert happy-hoppy town.
Oh, for shame, AB. What next? Should we anticipate the launch of a brand new product — say, the Buckin’ Bud Beer in mini keg form?
“Hey ya know what? That’s not a bad idea…,” said Kenny Rockman, head of the fictitious BSB&G marketing team. “Crank out some preliminary sketches and put ‘em on my desk by the morning!”
If imitation is indeed the finest form of flattery then let’s take a look at what the Bud pirates are planning…
“There had better not be a salad bar.”
FREDERICKSBURG, TX — This weekend is, of course, the much anticipated Bikinis Pageant & BBQ Cook-Off.
As a public service we here at Bikinis Bogus Blog believe it is our duty to remind all participants of a few BBQ and Pageant Safety Tips that will help insure universal protection and well-being:
1) If you run out of charcoal please don’t light a tire.
2) Do NOT lick the grill.
3) If the smoke from the grill bothers you, simply crack open the window of your truck.
4) Honestly, no one wants to see your meat poker.
5) Be sure to jot down the number of 9-1-1 and display it in a prominent place.
6) Please make sure to keep all sauce away from the tiaras.
7) Contestants will be judged in three categories: poise, interview, and competitive marinating.
Have a good time and bring on the mesquite!
BELLY-UP HORIZONTAL, BRAZIL — Hey do you want to know why the Samba Kings of Brazil lost so badly to the Gerrrrrrrrr-mans yesterday?
The Brazilians forgot to stock up on some Bikinis-style Buckin’ Burgers, that’s why?
It’s a fact. You can’t win a major global championship without a nutritious serving of pure-beef heaven. The lack of Buckin’ Burgers around the Brazilian camp left Coach Luiz Felipe Scolari’s boys lethargic and logy (Word-of-Day. Look it up.)
So, take heed, hungry patron. Load up on a delicious Buckin’ Burger of outstanding Beef-itude and we guarantee you will not lose to the Germans, 7-1, in Brazil, before 70,000 spectators, during a major sporting event.
If you do — we will gladly give you your money back. (We only ask that you provide video evidence of your role in the devastating and embarrassing drubbing.)
AUSTIN, TX — If you’re enjoying a fine meal or adult beverage at one of our outstanding Bikinis Breastaurant locations this summer, rest assured you can watch the World Cup in all its global splendor.
Even if it’s a mouthful.