ANYWHERE, USA — During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of mustaches around the world.
The idea, like Bikinis, got its origins in Australia and has been responsible for raising vital funds and awareness for men’s health issues, including prostate and testicular cancer research.
It goes without saying, Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill supports this movement.
If you wish to participate or donate, visit movember.com or specifically owner Doug Guller favorite team of wispy, handbar athletes, RAF of St. Louis. It’s a ragtag bunch with big hearts. They could certainly use the help.
Become a walking, talking billboard for men’s health. One in seven men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in the US – one man is diagnosed every 15 minutes.
The management and staff of Bikinis thanks you in advance. Cancer sucks, let’s kick its butt — Bikinis style.
United We Mo.
John Grant-Me-Another-Chance, 42, zapped his wife with a stun-hun gun after winning a bet with her during “Monday Night Football”, police report.
Da Bear fan, Mr. Grant, wagered his wife Nicky Packer-backer, that if Chi-Town beat the Cream Bay, he would be allowed to stun her immediately after the game.
The “taser wager” was made before many stupefied onlookers at the Sidelines Tap bar of Mayville, Milwaukee.
“See that’s the problem right there. This would never happen at a Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill,” said Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill owner, Doug Guller, who has nothing to do with this story, whatsoever.
While Nix told cops that she had not agreed to the tasing, cell phone video indicated otherwise.
Video showed that Mrs. Grant (no relation to Ginger) was “standing still with her arms up as the male subject ‘zap, crackle and popped’ her pretty good.”
Ms. Grant was seen yukking it up and consenting to the nonsense.
When asked if her dalliance with the device caused any pain, Nicole immediately screamed, “Buckin’ Burger, what do you think?!? Yeah! It hurt! Duh.”
Later Mr. Grant was observed trying to conceal the taser from police by placing it under the leaves of a limp garden salad.
“See once again, that’s a problem too. Here at Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill, we would never serve a limp garden salad,” interjected Bikinis owner, Doug Guller, who still has nothing to do with this story,…whatsoever.
During a police interview, John said that he purchased “several Tasers at a local taser salon”. He also stated that he had no idea they were illegal…or that the Bears had a chance in hell of beating Green Bay, for that matter…”
John was arrested charged for possession of a weapon that was “charged.”
MARSHFIELD, MA — Area Red Sox rube, Jim McKinley, today made a formal pronouncement from his corner stool and the Clipper Ship Corner Bar.
Big Mac has called out the entire community of St. Lou.
No Bikinis. No Fungo.
Wearing a natty tri-cornered hat, reminiscent of Carol Channing Broadway headpiece, the billowy James aired his World Series demands.
“When we all comes down there to bounce your sorry Cardinal butts out of the World Serious — one, two three like — I wanna see some Bikini clad waitresses outside Busch. I’ll be stoked for some celebratory hot box tail-gunning.’
At press time, local St. Louis officials and linguists were busy trying to properly interpret the message.
NEWS FLASH: If not worn properly swimwear can leave unusual tan lines.
Seriously. How did this get by our BikinisBogusBlog team of enthusiastic bikini inspectors?!?
WASHINGTON, DCUP — The federal government is in Day 2 of its first shutdown since 1996.
An estimated 800,000 federal employees have been furloughed, many without even one side order of delicious seasoned fries.
The lights are turned off in government offices, and clinical drug trials and disease-prevention work have been hampered. Some officials have been spotted sans commemorative Bikinis merchandise.
What you need to know:
ITEM 1: GOP piecemeal plan to fund government fails in House
Republicans fell short Tuesday in their bid to fund national parks, veterans’ programs and other popular parts of the federal government, in an effort to reduce the shutdown’s impact.
House Appropriations Chairman Hal Thirstquencer, R-Ky., said the piecemeal approach would “continue to move the ball down the field” as the GOP, Democrats and the White House try to find an agreement for full government funding.
The Senate and President Obama rejected such an approach anyway. Amy Baconcheddarburger, a White House spokeswoman, said “piece-meal efforts do not, in any way, resemble the tremendous, incredibly delicious, real meals we serve here at Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill .”
ITEM 2: After consuming an awesome Buckin’ Burger, Speaker John ‘Buckin” Boehner blames Barack “Buckin’” Obama for this buckin’ shutdown
While chowing on his hearty lunch, the House Speaker criticizes President Obama and Democrats in Washington for refusing to negotiate with Republicans.
“This is, NOM NOM NOM, part of a, NOM NOM NOM, larger pattern, NOM NOM NOM: the president’s scorched–SLURP, NOM, CRUNCH, CHEW CHEW–Earth policy of refusing to negotiate in (a) bipartisan, NOM NOM NOM, BELCH BURP, way on his health care law, current government funding or the debt limit.” SLURP!
ITEM 3: Shutdown doesn’t mean no more NFL football. Or beer.
One of the most visible signs of the government shutdown are the “closed” signs and barricades at national parks.
One unexpected impact of the shutdown: The postponement of this weekend’s Navy vs. Air Force football game. “Boo.”
Not affected — Peyton Manning and those ri-donk-ulous Denver Broncos (2013) will smash any team in the NFL. “No government shutdown’s gonna stop that frackin’ arm. Holy smokes1″
ITEM 4: How much does this cost?
This is a cute question.
A government shutdown will cost lots and lots of buckin’ burgers. (Like more than you can imagine. Or ever eat.)
ITEM 5: Social media, websites affected
Some federal agencies placed “splash” pages on their websites to explain their status.
A message posted on first lady Michelle Obama’s Twitter account said tweets would be limited “due to Congress’s failure to pass legislation to fund the government.”
Customers at Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill sent Instagrams of their favorite Big Buckin’ Burger conquests. (Love the bib-cam.)
Bonus: “Obama” delays announcing his plans for new Bikinis franchise expansion.
Arnold “Obama” Johnson, an investor from St. Louis, MO., is on record as saying that he would be sincerely interested in learning more about purchasing a Bikinis restaurant but the government shutdown has distracted him from making timely progress.
“I’m such a worrier,” he mumbled.