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First the ‘Breastaurant.’ Now the ‘Bunnery.’

Published on April 23, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

BunneryCOLUMBUS, OH: If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill founder and CEO Doug Guller should be feeling pretty good right about now.

Word came down this week that a small bakery in Ohio has just filed to trademark the word ‘bunnery.’

No that’s not a misprint.

‘Bunnery’ — like Guller’s breastaurant — will soon be a Registered Trademark through the United States Patent and Trademark Office of the Department of Commerce. That means if you describe another competing ‘pantless’ bakery as “the ‘bunnery’ down the street” you will be breaking the law. Pull over. License and registration, please.

“We’re really excited about receiving this federal trademark,” said bakery owner Grant “Goose” LePew in a press release. “Our team has worked hard over the last nine years to offer a unique experience to our customers. We know semi-naked bakers are somewhat unique to the industry. This just further solidifies that LePew Bakers, of Columbus, OH, is America’s ONLY bunnery.”

Of this bold marketing tactic wasn’t without opposition.

“Sure, there were some haters gunning for us,” chimed in Kenny Rockman, co-owner and First Shift Tush-Technician and Support Supervisor. “But dropping your pants while kneading the morning dough seems perfectly natural to me. Did you know that in olden times most bakers walked around el fresco? It’s true! Read your Kitchen Bible.”

Speculation is now surfacing that the term ‘bunnery’ will likely face a strong challenge from New York’s First Gluten and Nut FREE Bakery and Cafe: Bare Naked Bakery.

“Bring it,” scoffed the scarfing co-owner.

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Asia’s Massive Burger Champ Has Much To Prove

Published on April 16, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

AUSTIN, TX — Where is Toa Payoh?

Well our crack Bogus Bikinis Blog staff researched it over a plate of fries and cold frosty one and determined it’s somewhere in Central Singapore. Which for Doug Guller World-Traveler fans is nowhere near bloody Motherwell, Scotland. (“Welcome back, fearless leader!”)

Why are we scouring the far reaches of Asia?

Simple, because we get paid to do so.
Plus, some yahoo named Victor Lim is online boasting that he is an extraordinarily rapid burger muncher.

Really now? Do tell.

Lim, who is attempting to become the fastest burger demolisher in Toa Payoh, is on record (SEE VIDEO BELOW) as “devouring” a fairly decent sized angus “Botak Jones” sandwich in — hang on to your Hong Kong heifer — 3 minutes and 14 seconds.

What the buck?!?
That’s Lim-sanity.
That’s not fast. Around these parts, we call that a long lunch.
His fleet feeding-time is feeble.

Oh sure, Victor walked away with a cool $20 Botak Jones voucher, but come on. Where is the accomplishment?

Why only the other day, Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill (Houston, Willowbrook location) served a customer who polished off a burger twice that size before tucking in her chair. And lil’ Patricia-Ann wasn’t even trying.

“Man up, Lim! You’re not the best ’til ya travel west.”
BikinisSB&G will be waiting.


 

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Hot Tax Tips from Gals in Bikinis

Published on April 9, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

Bikinis Tax Tips

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Kilt Trip: Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill Ambassador Doug Guller Travels to Scotland

Published on April 2, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

KiltgagLEG O’ MUTTON, SCOTLAND — Doug Guller and his sibling Dave traveled to the UK this week to investigate the mystery of the much-maligned tilted kilt.  Especially ironic considering Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill largest breastaurant competitor is Tilted Hooters.

The curious tartan twosome are on a mission to investigate what Scotsmen really do wear under the pleated man-skirts.

“Ever since we were kids, my brother and I have been batty about any type of wrap around apron, or twill woven worsted wool,” declared president and BSB&G owner, Douglas Guller.

“We are pursuing a life’s dream,” added the enthusiastic older-bro, David. “I can’t wait to see what we uncover.”

Although Doug clearly knows what he’s in for, Dave appears a bit light-headed.

“What language do they speak in Scotland anyway,” posed Dave. “Do the have indoor plumbing?”

It’s not all business and no pleasure of course. While in Scotia, the Gullers will enjoy whiskey drinking, haggis eating, caber tossing, the football stylings of Partick Thistle and gawking at ginger people.

“I can’t wait to meet buckin’ Braveheart himself — Mel Gibson,” squealed Dave as he boarded the jetway.

We hadn’t the heart to tell Dave that Mel Gibson’s not Scottish. Not even a little bit.

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Kids Caught With Buckin’ Burger

Published on March 26, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

18AUSTIN, TX – Three third-graders were caught devouring a Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill Buckin’ Burger in the teacher’s lounge of their northern Texas elementary school last week in what the local police chief says marked the youngest Buckin’ Burger bust he has ever encountered.

The three boys – two 8-year-olds and one 9-year-old – were caught last Thursday by another student, who informed school administrators, who in turn alerted local law enforcement, said Police Chief Mif Esienwassen.

Police officers detained the youngsters for questioning, distributed a liberal supply of napkins, then released them to their perplexed parents, Esienwassen said.

Onlookers were also puzzled.

“I was stunned at how young they were,” said witness, Edna Witless. “This is a buckin’ burger, we’re talkin’ about. The youngest ankle-biter I ever saw even attempt to tackle a Buckin’ Burger was, like, 10 years of age.”

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Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill Post St. Pats Hockey Game Wrap-Up

Published on March 19, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

BikinisStPatsBlues

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Pre-St. Pats at Bikinis Bar and Chill

Published on March 12, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

Irish St Patricks

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“It’s a Bikini World” (1967) So Bad It’s Good.

Published on March 5, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

AUSTIN, TX — After viewing the Oscars last Sunday, the bogus Bikinis Blog editorial staff was reminded how a well-crafted film can inspire. Nay, a movie can transport us with its wit, ingenuity, and brilliance.

It’s a Bikini World is not one of those films.

Still thanks to some dude named Scott Starr — who presumably skates, surfs and snows his way through obscure Hollywood howlers — you, Bikinian, can get a glimpse of what must have passed for entertainment and beach fashion in the late ’60s.

It’s really deliciously “schlocking” — even “swell.”

“Hey, wait just one Buckin’ Burger — is that Eric Burdon and the Animals warbling through a classic rendition of “We Got To Get Out of Here”?

It can’t be, Daddy-o… ahh, but it is.

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From Bikinis With Love

Published on February 26, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

Bikinis James Brand

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Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill Discuss Climate Change

Published on February 19, 2014, by in Uncategorized.

Bikinis Man On the Street

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